Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
how does that bad decision feel?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize