What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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