Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
