He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
