i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
