let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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