I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
