How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
