Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
