Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
