I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
