I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize