my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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