She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
