3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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