i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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