The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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