I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
