Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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