yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
