Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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