Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
