i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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