he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Say something about gay babies.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
