His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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