you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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