he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
