i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
