I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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