I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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