i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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