Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
