we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I love having hate sex.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
