So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
