i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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