they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
