you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
