If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
