I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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