Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
