it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
