careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
