I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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