So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
