I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize