All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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