I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
