I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
