Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
