I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
