i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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