i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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