Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
