i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
