there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
