Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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