forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I checked into jail on foursquare
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
