I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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