I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
