I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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