She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
3pm strippers are depressing
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
