brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
