You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
