do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
