I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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