Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
