I cockslap morals
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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