What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
