It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
