im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize