All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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