Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
