Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
